Pirrot LaFlamme

There's a fire in me that is burning long and hard. At times a burning ember, sometimes fiery blaze and sometimes it feels like I'm burning out. I'm in my hotspot when I can burn anything and anyone off but when I can't, I will torch, blaze or burn with my flame. I scold when I flame and I would only sear to cauterize. I've always wanted to set the world on fire whether it means fly and get scorched by the sun, going up in flames, or Paris burning. One thing I do know for certain is if I were french, I would be known as Pirrot LaFlamme.

A place with happy memories for anyone but me

I know that what I'm about to unfold is among the most uninteresting topics of which I could ever chose. I will try to make it less so, but bear with me nevertheless. The topic is parents.

Today I arrived at our oldest and ultimately the nicest of our beach houses. I remember the time before this blog where the house was new and where a lot of work still needed to be done. My parents were new in the renovation business and therefore they needed a helping hand that I was unwilling to give. I have been unwilling to accompany my parents in any way except travel for longer than I can remember. I have been so desperate to avoid them that I would lie and cheat them every time they had me somewhat cornered. A lie lead to the next and before I knew of it I was learned at experienced. I decided one day that the lies had to stop and my life changed. In an instant I had instant instability and an inability to indulge in describing any activity of mine on this blog which is dedicated to the happiest of times. My relationship with my parents broke completely and we started anew. Six months later I'm sitting here. This is the first time that I've seen our beach house since then. It feels so different but it looks all the same. This time over it has no lies. No facade. This time I enjoy it.

Where are you going?

I've taken many shady paths to be in the place that I am today. I've been a million different people. I've been only one. Who you are at a specific time, defines only who other people think you are. An instance of personality. A million things to improve and a single path to choose. These paths are a great deal pleasant when you choose the right one. But when you choose a path along with those you love or when you are able to show the best of you, then you'll have a good chance of being happy. Even better is when you are happy with the path you chose and the person you became. In a million parallel universes I would never have left my former path. Now that I'm on a new one, I feel confident and happy about my choice and the person that I have become.

For the persons who shared my path and showed me how to love

I love all of you

You lucky bastard

The music picks up speed, the intensity grows towards something very exhilarating, yet you don't notice it at all. You've got everything that you could possibly crave for, coffee, cinnamon biscuits and a warm duvet to cover most of your body; yet you do not think of it. The only thing on your mind is the story printed on the very pages you keep before you, everything else seems rather pointless. Taking your mind off the story, even just for a second, would be as to blaspheme the wondrous work and its long deceased author. Feeling like this would mean that you have found something far better than this blog, so what are you even doing here?

From in here we can conquer all

Every time I put my hands outside of my shell they get struck and stung. Every time I try to move the burning soil scorch my feet. I am blind. Every time I hand out a piece of my soul it gets tortured and kept captive in the dreadful lair of despair. But on the inside it is cosy and tranquil. The world is horrible and terrifying, I would give you a piece of shelter if only you could accept it. I'm all alone in here but I will never give up hope. I will make you learn from me because I need to be taught by you.

Any word will do

Sometimes reality drifts away from me for long periods at a time. Sometimes I don't even stop to wonder why and how. These times can be the happiest of all times. For months I have been unavailable emotionally and in matters that requires any kind of dedicated attention. I have been far gone into the depths of a beautiful soul. A force so overpowering and overwhelming, that I don't even wanted to let go of it if I could, that makes me tremble of pure joy, how could one resist anything that tempting? Yet temptation is not the right word, for the word is clouded with irrational feelings and behavior. But any word would corrupt the purity of one soul's love for another soul. So I guess, any word will do.

Meaning of Life

I've come to a realization. A purpose. A meaning with life; I'm not saying that it is THE meaning but it's most certainly in the same ballpark. I found out that that super-ego and rationalization is linked even when you are rationalizing bad things that's unethical or in any other way defies the rules of the healthy super-ego. I thought to myself that this could be it: Rationalize everything! But then again, what if I don't want to? what if I want to live by a religion or another kind of irrationality? Then I came to my final conclusion - Find your place in life. That's it. Finding your place in life must be what life's about.